For the past year or so I have been thinking about the problem of flying, as in commercial flying, as in how do we all get from here to there when it’s not so near. I won’t go on about those folks who half dress, who think that I really want to see a bellybutton peering at me as they try to shove their overstuffed duffel into the overhead baggage compartment. No, and I won’t go on about the dirty sandaled feet, or the cigarette body odors, or the cheap bags regurgitating their personal grooming contents as their owners bang down the aisles.
What I want to address is flying with children. The New York Times Travel section just printed an article that showed me I am not the only one thinking about this issue. And in that article airline execs came up with all kinds of excuses as to the impossibility of offering humane civilized travel to the general public. (General public does not include business and first class travelers). So, here’s my plan:
1. Reserve a section for families with small children and infants in the back of the plane.
2. Load all their “equipment” ahead of the general boarding, BUT let the kids and parents run around the waiting area, in a designated spot, to work off all that energy for as long as possible.
3. Next section is for teenagers.
4. Next section, as we move forward, folks who are hard of hearing (and volunteers).
6. Now that everyone’s seated, send in the kids, all the way to the back where their seats, toys, bottles, and benedryl are waiting.
VOILA! We can all fly in peace and get along.
Now I have to tackle the people who buy onion, pepper, chili laden take-out, unwrap and share those smells with the rest of us. Gag.
Let me know what you think, or if I’m talking to myself.