Flying & Crying

One way to save on high airline ticket prices.

For the past year or so I have been thinking about the problem of flying, as in commercial flying, as in how do we all get from here to there when it’s not so near.  I won’t go on about those folks who half dress, who think that I really want to see a bellybutton peering at me as they try to shove their overstuffed duffel into the overhead baggage compartment. No, and I won’t go on about the dirty sandaled feet, or the cigarette body odors, or the cheap bags regurgitating their  personal grooming contents as their owners bang down the aisles.

What I want to address is flying with children.  The New York Times Travel section just printed an article that showed me I am not the only one thinking about this issue.  And in that article airline execs came up with all kinds of excuses as to the impossibility of offering humane civilized travel to the general public.  (General public does not include business and first class travelers).  So, here’s my plan:

1.  Reserve a section for families with small children and infants in the back of the plane.

2.  Load all their “equipment” ahead of the general boarding, BUT let the kids and parents run around the waiting area, in a designated spot, to work off all that energy for as long as possible.

3.  Next section is for teenagers.

4.  Next section, as we move forward, folks who are hard of hearing (and volunteers).

5.  Me

6.  Now that everyone’s seated, send in the kids, all the way to the back where their seats, toys, bottles, and benedryl are waiting.

7.  Take-Off!

VOILA!  We can all fly in peace and get along.

Now I have to tackle the people who buy onion, pepper, chili laden take-out, unwrap and share those smells with the rest of us. Gag.

Let me know what you think, or if I’m talking to myself.

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About Stein Ink

Gertrude Stein's cousin. Writer, Reader, Knitter. STARR Restaurant Reporter and Virtual Travel Editor for the Tri-City Voice, serving communities East of the Bay (as in San Francisco Bay Area). Married with one wife, one small dog, and an irritable cat. Raised on the East Coast, where they have an "edge" not found out here in California. Two grown children: good men with families.
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4 Responses to Flying & Crying

  1. your sister says:

    Anyone who has flown in the back of the airplane, knows that that is the noisiest, bumpiest, vibrating-est and cramped part of the plane. All of these things mean it would be even harder for the children to remain quiet or asleep as it or to hear anything thier parents might say.

    I always request a seat as far forward as possible as that is the most comfortable place to fly. That’s why business class and first class are at the front of the plane.

    being consigned to the back of anything, queues, planes or buses has traditionally been a mark of second class citizenship. Having stopped it for other groups in society, why would we decide to put anther group in that position. Having children, while it is a ‘lifestyle choice’ to some degree is also a very necessary requirement for any society if it wishes to continue into the future. Remember, those children’s taxes will be paying your Social Security.

    So why don’t we help people with children to find a way to travel around, which they have the same right to as anyone else, with ease and as much assistance as we can all give them.

    Having travelled with small children myself I know how difficult it is when the other passengers are scowling and grumbling because some unfortunate child has an earache from pressure or is uncomfortable because of having to be strapped onto it’s mother’s laps. A parent has to have a very tough skin to venture into a world where children and parents are treated as second class citizens.

    Just my two cents!

  2. Stein Ink says:

    Actually, this plan was designed to help children and parents, to spare the parents the looks of pissed-off passengers, to not trap the kids on the plane while it takes forever to board the rest of the flight, to put them close to the bathrooms, the on-board snacks, attendant help and bottle warmers.

    But if you want to put the underdressed people in the back, that might work too.

  3. Carolo says:

    I once sat next to a guy with a little kid who chanted “Bonehead, knucklehead, knucklehead, bonehead” from DC to Denver – then he finally passed out – on me. The dad thanked me for my patience, over and over again. I asked if that was his only child and he said, “No, but my other son is 32.” Guess what I started chanting?

    Nothing beats sitting next to a person with a cat carrier containing a parrot on a red-eye from SFO though. Not even bonehead boy.

  4. Carol Obrochta says:

    I once sat next to a guy with a little kid who chanted “Bonehead, knucklehead, knucklehead, bonehead” from DC to Denver when he finally passed out – on me. The man started to thank me over and over again. I asked if that was his only child and he said, “No, but my other son is 32.” Guess what I started chanting?

    Nothing beats sitting next to a person with a cat carrier containing a parrot on a red-eye from SFO though.

    And, for the record I’m an earth mother and grandmother who doesn’t believe that our future as a species depends on successful flights with children. But hey, if it makes my social security secure, have at it!

    Thanks for the memories!
    carol

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